I should probably preface this entry by saying that I am EXTREMELY aware of how lucky I am with regards to my children’s overall health. I am so very grateful for this every day. This post is in no ways meant to elevate myself into the same realm as parents who know the true heartache of hearing that their children have been diagnosed with chronic or terminal illness. Or those who fear an unknown future made more challenging by cognitive delays. No, those are completely different experiences than what I am talking about here.
What I am calling a mommy ache is that clenching feeling you get in your gut when something – no matter how seemingly insignificant – alters that ideal you have in your head as a parent regarding your children. All parents know what I am talking about.
– The first time you witness a kid at the park say or do something mean to your child and you see their sadness and incomprehension and realize you can’t protect them from that kind of hurt anymore.
– The moments when you have to put on your brave face for their vaccinations because you know it’s in their best interest when all you really want to do is just take them home.
– Any time you are holding them when they are sick or scared and you wish you could magically make it all better.
All of these are mommy aches.
My youngest just got glasses. I was really surprised that this was a mommy ache for me. I wear contacts, my husband had significant vision problems at a young age. I should have seen it coming. But, when the ophthalmologist confirmed her astigmatism and near sightedness, I felt that tightening in my gut immediately.
I think it’s a combination of things. Knowing that she hates wearing anything on her head or face for long periods of time is part of it. But, that is about me and the work I am going to have to put in to get her to wear them. My sadness for her is knowing that this isn’t something I can fix and she will have this inconvenience (because I know that in the grand scheme of life that is all this is) from here on out.
My ideal for her was altered.
Do I feel a little ridiculous doing a little mourning for this little loss? Sure. But, it is what it is. She is incredible adorable in them though. I am also extremely grateful that she chose the ones she did, as opposed to one of the neon pink pairs she could have chosen. The stars on the sides are super cute.