A friend (who I greatly admire for her ability to not yell) directed me to this website a while back. The author has several very interesting articles on how to work towards a life style where you learn how to better manage your frustrations and anger towards others, primarily your kids, and eliminate yelling from your daily life.
This concept intrigues me. I yell more than I would like to admit. And while sometimes, I do feel it is justified, I also realize that A) it really doesn’t help anything and B) it doesn’t make me feel any better. I also know that I tend to yell at my kids more when I am mad at my husband. How is that fair?
This past week I decided to take another look at this website. I especially identify with what she says about triggers and how being aware of these (and preparing ahead of time to emotionally deal with them) can make a world of difference.
The Orange Rhino also talks about how, when deciding to eliminate yelling from your life, you should set goals. Her goal was 365 days, but she encourages people to set smaller goals if that is what they need to do. So, I decided to give this a try. My goal, sadly, was one day of not yelling. A tiny goal, but ya know what… I did it. I did not yell today. Now, this does not translate into not feeling aggravated, stressed or upset. And it was not easy, which I did expect. But, every time I felt my voice rising, I was able to call it into check and take a breath and either take a minute to regroup or formulate a new approach to whatever interaction with my girls was currently frustrating me. And we still had a few times outs… one Meredith even put herself in. But, all of this was done with relative (external) calmness.
My new goal: 2 days
Because I think that what she says here makes sense and sounds wonderful.